On Feelings and Foundations

I sit here in my mom's living room, clothes stacked and waiting to be packed, and thinking. An hour or two ago, I was ready to be on our way, with images of my king sized bed and velvety bedding awaiting me. Telling Jeff about new thoughts and ideas for ways to reach our community. Now I'm assailed by emotions I would have thought had been overcome by now. I'm homesick and we haven't even left yet. I realize its only been one year. What is a year compared to 17. I'm not sure time really matters totally. I have an inexplicable feeling of coming home as we round the curve into Westville on hwy 62. We haven't lived there in 20 years. Most of the people we knew have changed and/or moved on, but still I feel the connection. I guess because that is the place where my faith was formed and my family is founded...well, my mom's family. All that is to say, I think the writer who stated "you can't go home again..." was wrong. Maybe its hard. You change when you're away, but home is supposed to be there waiting, even if its just for a visit. In some cases, maybe visiting is all that will ever happen, but visit we will. Although, our two week visits seem so long, in the end, they are never long enough. I am ready for my bed, ready for my space, ready to see our youth and church family, but I leave here wishing I had more time. I will be home again, for holidays, summer trips, and "just because." I will be homesick at times, as well, but God used a new friend at camp to speak into my life about that too! So tomorrow morning when we get the kids around and have to drag them out the door, I will remember the joy of the Lord is my strength. I do not serve him based on my feelings, for they are fleeting and changeable. I serve Him because He is Lord of all and Lord of my life. I will follow the road He puts before me, not because it is easy and desirable, but because I have lived with His presence in my life and I have life without it. I never want to be in that place again. My life is truly not my own! In my own hands it is simply folly, but in His hands He can use the "foolish things of this world to confound the wise" To God be the glory!!